


Tell Me How to Walk Next to Her

by Hecate



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Female Friendship, Female Protagonist, Female-Centric, Gen, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-14 08:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13585926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hecate/pseuds/Hecate
Summary: It's not easy being friends with Buffy. But then, it's not exactly easy being Faith's friend either.





	Tell Me How to Walk Next to Her

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tielan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/gifts).



Buffy calls her sometimes, asks, “How are you?” with her voice carefully calm. And Faith wonders - even after all the years and all the apocalypses they went through together - if Buffy asks because she cares or if she’s still waiting for Faith to hurt somebody again.

“Same as always,” Faith says, and it's the easy answer. Buffy never asks for details, and Faith can be injured or drunk or lonely or angry, and it's all the same. Buffy won't ever know, and Faith won't ever have to explain herself. Sometimes, though, sometimes she tells Buffy about a bad hunt, about a vampire that considered himself funny, a werewolf that has been on a rampage too long.

Buffy listens, and Buffy talks about the monsters in her life, too, about her kills, about her allies. Some days, older stories creep into their conversations, stories about high school and college and the battles Buffy fought back then, and she speaks about them as if they should mean something to Faith. But they don't, and Faith thinks of saying 'Hey, remember when you stabbed me in the stomach and I ended up in a coma?', but she never does.

But the next time Buffy calls her, she keeps silent about the monsters in the woods and the monsters in the streets. She doesn't want to hear about the past.

~*~

“I wanted to visit you,” Buffy says, stretched out on Faith's couch, eyes closed.

Faith looks at her, thinks, _She looks younger like this_ , and points out, “You are visiting me.”

Buffy snorts, and it's as unattractive as Faith remembers. “That's not what I meant.”

Buffy still does this, Faith knows, still says things that she doesn't mean. Most times sharp things spill out of her mouth, things said in anger, things she later apologizes for. Years ago, it would have all ended in punches traded between the two of them. But Faith has gotten better at accepting those apologies, maybe only because she has gotten better with making her own as well, and so she shrugs at Buffy's awkward words whenever she apologizes and tells her to forget about it.

“Back when you were in prison,” Buffy explains. "I wanted to visit you in prison."

"Oh," Faith says.

Buffy sits up then and looks at Faith with that unerring way she has, focused and sharp. "I'm sorry that I didn't."

Faith tries to smile.

~*~

They hunt together.

There is a rhythm between them now, a certainty that translates into a harmony of punches and kicks and monsters dying all around them. Faith still remembers how easily they fell out of step back in Sunnydale. And she doesn't know when they learned each others' paces, when their differences gave way to the easy back and forth they have now.

But it changed, they changed, and Faith wonders how it would feel if things were this easy between them all the time. She can't even imagine that they could ever be.

Buffy stakes a giant of a vampire, jumping high to do the job. Faith laughs. And Buffy smiles.

~*~

“You scared me,” Buffy tells her during breakfast.

Faith breathes in deeply, thinks of a knife in her stomach, thinks of waking up in a hospital basement with months gone by. She knows that Buffy doesn't mean moments like these, no matter how many and varied they were, punches thrown and knives drawn.

And yet, she says, “You scared me, too,” and even after years of fighting with Buffy, she is almost proud of how steady she sounds.

Buffy smiles. “I guess we were good at that,” she says, and Faith puts a smirk on her face, well-crafted and well-worn.

“Yes, we were.” And Faith remembers the fearful hollowness inside of her chest that spread out before Angel came to tell her that Buffy was gone, that Buffy was dead. She didn't tell him that she already knew, didn't say anything, just nodded, her eyes on the clock above his head, her fingers tight on the phone. She had thought about breaking out of prison back then, but hadn't, had reined herself in and had told herself to be better, be stronger. She couldn't take freedom just because she wanted it.

"Mark of the Slayers," Buffy says.

Faith disagrees but doesn't tell her. The other Slayers, the new ones, don't worry her, not even those who are broken like she had been, the girls that lash out and take and kill. She has only ever been scared of Buffy.

~*~

A walk through dark alleys, a horror movie scene, but it's them, the Chosen Two, so the monster won't get them and the killer will fail. And it's a glorious feeling, it always has been, and it only gets stronger with Buffy at her side.

"There's a vampire coven a few towns away," Faith tells Buffy. "They're trouble and I wanted to call in for back-up anyway."

Buffy nods. “Want to hit it in a few days?”

Faith thinks of Buffy staying longer than she already has, thinks of sharing her space, the stillness gone from her apartment. It grates on her already, unsettles her. She doesn't quite hate it though, the moments between them, the way they have no routine, not when it comes to making breakfast or deciding who uses the bathroom first or even when it comes to switching through TV channels in the evening.

She shrugs. “Sounds good.”

~*~

"I miss you sometimes," Buffy says.

Faith stares at her.

Buffy shrugs. "I'm old now, I'm awesome with being emotionally open and available."

"No Slayer is emotionally available," Faith replies.

Buffy smiles, and it's wistful, it's sad. "Yeah," she says. Then, her smile grows stronger. "Still..."

"You miss me."

"It's your roundhouse kick, I think. It has a certain _je ne sais quoi_ about it."

A quick smirk, a raised eyebrow, and Faith says, "I assumed it would be the leather pants."

~*~

They argue about their plan for the attack, of course they do. Sharp words, a battle before they even hit the coven, and it's familiar, it's what Faith is used to.

“I can't believe you still do this,” Buffy says. “This is such a reckless idea.”

Faith shrugs. “You know, B, you're the one who died. Twice. I never managed to do that. So I guess my plans are worth something.”

Buffy looks at her, a hard set to her jaw. “You know why I died,” she finally says, and there is something hollow in her voice, the memory of fights fought and lost. It's painful.

“Yeah,” Faith replies, “I know.”

~*~

Faith makes them breakfast the day they leave, makes coffee for two and waffles. Buffy smiles when she sees the food, looks half-amused.

“You didn't even burn them,” she says after her first bite. “I always burn them.”

Faith shrugs. “I guess I'm still better when heat’s involved.” It's a dumb joke, but it's the kind that fits into the hours before a fight.

Buffy chuckles.

Later, when they get into Faith's car, the ease of the morning remains, and it holds throughout the drive, the windows rolled down, loud music blaring through the car and Buffy not once reaching out to turn it down.

Faith thinks that this very moment is something she could get used to. Not the breakfast, not the arguments, not even the fights. Just this, Buffy and her on the way to the front-lines, possibility and anticipation. And the two of them somewhere in the darkness, knowing that there was not much that could hurt them.

Hot chicks with superpowers, and the lines on their faces and the scars on their bodies haven't changed that. Faith looks over at Buffy, sees her looking out of the car window at the miles passing by, and thinks that nothing ever could.

~*~

The fight with the vampires goes on for over an hour, stretching out to an exhausting length. Blow after blow, kick after kick, surrounded by darkness, angry snarls and the ashes of the vampires they staked.

Faith tries not to think about breathing in the undead, just kills one after the other, the battle almost mind-numbing at the end, becoming dangerous in its repetitiveness. It's nothing like it used to be when both of them were younger, wilder, and Faith doesn't think of sex after they are done, just thinks of the long drive home in dirty clothes and aching bodies. She almost decides to look for a hotel room for a night, but the idea of sleeping in a strange bed annoys her.

So they drive. Buffy falls asleep, her face pressed against the car window. When Faith looks at her, she can see a bruise on her cheek, dark against her pale skin. She looks almost vulnerable like this. Faith looks away.

“This used to be exciting,” Faith says when they have finally made it back, Faith's home surrounding them like an embrace.

Buffy shrugs. “You've seen one apocalypse...”

“Yeah,” Faith says, handing Buffy an ice pack. “I guess.”

Buffy groans as she settles on the couch, contorting her body to hold the ice against her ribs. “I’d like to say it used to be less painful, too, but that would be a dirty, dirty lie.”

Faith thinks of all the beatings she has taken and snorts. Then she says, “Give me that,” and reaches for the ice pack. “Watching you like this is painful, too.”

And Buffy hands the ice over easily and without protest, doesn't comment when Faith slips closer and presses it against her bruised ribs.

“I'm glad you didn't go up against those vamps on your own,” Buffy says after a while.

Faith frowns. “I'm not dumb like that.” And she's angry again, she still gets angry so easily when it comes to Buffy, and she should be over that already, should have been over it years ago.

“I know,” Buffy agrees. “You're not. It's just.... I'm glad.” Buffy looks at her then, and she looks so painfully open for a few seconds, looks raw and exhausted. Shrugs and says, "I just don't want you to die," and she sounds almost helpless.

It bothers Faith. Buffy is never helpless.

“I'm glad you were around,” she says, and the words are awkward and stiff, even though they are true. She was glad and she still is, even though she yearns for the empty spaces in her apartment. And she remembers Buffy's death echoing through her, and goes on, "I don't want you to die either."

A small smile, a huff of laughter, and Buffy says, "Eternal life it is."

~*~

She wakes up to Buffy leaning against the door, her eyes on Faith.

“What is it?” Faith mumbles, her thoughts sleep-slow, sluggish.

Buffy steps into her room, a moving shadow, and it awakens some of Faith's senses, some instinct that tells her to get up, to get a weapon, to fight. She ignores it.

“I'll leave tomorrow,” Buffy says, and the words are sharp in the darkness, sharper than they should be. "They need me."

Somebody always needs a Slayer, somebody always needs Buffy, but Faith doesn't tell Buffy that. Buffy knows. Instead she nods, says, "Okay," asks, "Do you want waffles in the morning?" She thinks that Buffy smiles but she can't be sure, the light from the window too weak to see much of anything.

"Yeah. That would be great," Buffy says.

Then, she walks into the room, walks to Faith's bed and sits down. It's casual, easy, and it reminds Faith of her first weeks in Sunnydale. Buffy and her had been almost close at times at the beginning, they had been special, and Faith had liked it. It hadn't been a surprise when things went to shit.

"Something wrong?" she asks Buffy.

Buffy remains silent, a still life in the dark, and Faith waits, bites her lip to keep herself from speaking. She's still bad with silences like this, still gets impatient, but Buffy has never reacted well to Faith pushing her.

Then, Buffy says, “I wanted us to be friends. Back in Sunnydale, I wanted us to be friends,” and it shatters the quiet.

Faith stares at her, and she wonders if Buffy still remembers how they were back then after the newness of a second Slayer had faded away, when they started to realize how different they truly were. Buffy too rigid, too good, and Faith much too reckless, in love with her own power. There had been something, a chance, a possibility, but it had always been frail, glimpses, and in the end it didn't amount to anything.

“Didn't feel like that at times,” Faith answers, and she doesn't mention how bad she had been herself at being friends with Buffy. Buffy knows anyway.

Buffy chuckles. “Yeah, it really didn't.”

She looks at Buffy then, so much older than she was ever supposed to get, and Faith is so unbearably glad that Buffy survived more than any Slayer did before, is so glad that Buffy is alive. That they both are.

“We can still work on the friends thing,” Faith offers. “Can't be too hard. Other people do it all the time.”

“I bet there are YouTube tutorials,” Buffy says. “Also, I could ask Wills and Xander how they pulled it off with me.”

“Sounds good to me,” Faith replies, and her eyes have adjusted enough to the darkness to see Buffy's answering smile.

She smiles, too.

Buffy gets up then, squeezes Faith's shoulder before stepping away. "I'll see you tomorrow," she says.

"Yeah," Faith replies, "tomorrow," and means _thank you for trying again and again, thank you for not leaving me alone with all of this even though Slayers were always meant to be alone, thank you for coming back_. And she thinks that maybe, just maybe, Buffy always meant to the say just the same.


End file.
